He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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