My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
