based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
