Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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