I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize