Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
