if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
