The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
