the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
