The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
