Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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