Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
