Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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