I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
