Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
