one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
