That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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