At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize