She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
