I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
