WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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