You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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