I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
