doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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