Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
