She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
