It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
