Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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