community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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