Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
