I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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