he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
