i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
