Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
