The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
