he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
