Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So. Much. Porn.
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