Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize