The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we're so committed to being not committed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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