my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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