either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
