as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize