1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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