you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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