I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
