My sheets look like a crime scene.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
