Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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