Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
