At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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