If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
