i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
