Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Holy sore nipples Batman
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
