Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
