and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
