She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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