Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
