how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize