hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
