im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
