All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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