The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize