She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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