Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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