my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
