Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I want a musical about memes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
