Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
