Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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